Joke of the Day

[kmon]

WOMAN SHOT IN THE HEAD
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of Arkansas, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby super-market to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the car running and the windows rolled up. Her eyes closed with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay; Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour (at least it seemed that way to her, it actually had been 15 minutes, she blamed the inability to tell time on her head injury).
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to move her hands.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. From the back seat a biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is blonde, a Democrat, and a Biden supporter; but that could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and it was determined to be Trump's fault.

[TexHill]

[Old Bob]

I was walking down the street the other day when I was accosted by a rather grubby homeless man who asked for a couple of bucks for a meal.
I took ten dollars out of my wallet and asked the man, “If I give you this money are you going to buy booze with it instead of a meal?
The homeless man replied, “No! I had to give up alcohol years ago!”
I asked, “Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?
He answered, “No! I don’t waste my time fishing! I spend all my time trying to stay alive!”
I asked, “Will you spend this money on hunting equipment?”
The beggar replied, “Are you nuts? I haven’t hunted in twenty years!”
So, I said, “Well then, I’m not going to give you any money. Instead, I’m going to take you home with me so you can shower and have a great dinner cooked by my wife.”
The homeless man was astounded! “Won’t your wife be angry with you for bringing a derelict like me home with you?”
I replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he gives up drinking, fishing and hunting!”

[Old Bob]

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[montana]

This should clear up the confusion of legal vs illegal firearms..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nfCyhOX42g

[kmon]

[StoneHendge]

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[Old Bob]

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[Old Bob]

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[montana]

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[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

Hello.
Hi, table for two, please.
Sure, and your name.
Jordan,
Great. And do you and your guest have your vaccination cards?
We do. Can you tell us who our server will be?
Um, looks like Brad will be your server tonight.
Great. Can you show us Brad's vaccination card?
Um...
And also, can you provide me with proof that Brad is not a carrier of HIV, Hepatitis A or B, or any other communicable diseases?
Um...
Also, we would prefer not to be served by someone who is on or uses recreational drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, meth, fentanyl, etc, so if you could provide us with Brad's most recent tox screen, that would be great.
Um... Let me get the manager for you.
That would be great, thanks.

[csmith]

The last time Biden botched a pull out so badly, we got a Hunter.

[kmon]

[TexHill]

[montana]

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[Old Bob]

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[kmon]