Joke of the Day

[kmon]

[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

[kmon]

Two ladies in their after life




1st woman: Hi! Wanda



2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!



1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?



2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[kmon]

[Fess]

Naw, if your wife asks you what you want to do, I have learned it is best to ask back "What do YOU think we should do?" No matter what she proposes, your correct response is "That is a WONDERFUL idea, Dear."

[kmon]

Unwritten rules of life.
1.
2.
3.

[kmon]

[Old Bob]

Another balls in the snow funny...

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[kmon]

[kmon]

Help is on the way.

Pharmacist to a customer: "Madam, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription. Simply showing your marriage certificate and husband's picture is not enough."

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, "Which book has helped you most in your life?" The woman replied, "My husband’s checkbook!

[montana]

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[Old Bob]

The proud owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible, a car he had restored to perfection over the last few years, decided to take his car to town on a warm summer day.

It needed gas, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop. He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down a side street.

He noticed a group of young men standing around smoking cigarettes that were eyeing his beautiful car. He was a bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice cream.

The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a while to return to his car. When he did, his worst fears were realized... his car was gone. He called the police and reported the theft.

About ten minutes later the police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a gas station a few miles out of town. Except for being hot-wired, it was undamaged to his great relief.

It seems just before he called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was an employee at a self-service gas station. She told them that three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible. One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollar’s worth of gas. Then all three of them walked around the car. Then they all got in the car and drove off, without filling the tank.

The question was, why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that they never pumped and then abandon the car later and walk away?

NO PEEKING ! !

IF YOU GIVE UP----SCROLL Down










They couldn't find where to put the gas!

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[kmon]

[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

Brad lived in California..... He was sick of the world, of Covid-19, Trump, Russian belligerence, China, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle.

Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

Brad is a registered California Democrat

[kmon]

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that, on the few occasions it did ring, her dog always moaned right before that.
The repairman headed for the house, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.
The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.