2020 Joke of the Day

[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[Lemonaid]

[stanc]

[video=youtube;Qi2kaDzGh9A]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi2kaDzGh9A[/video]

[Old Bob]

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[biodsl]

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[Fess]

[video=youtube;kv8qgeVtRJ8]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv8qgeVtRJ8[/video]

[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

[kmon]

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as the checked her meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized that the lady from the last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.

They stopped and asked her was was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured i'd better run too!"

[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[montana]

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[MrDraco]

[kmon]

I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him $20 would he buy booze? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you $20 will you buy fishing stuff, he said no quit fishing 10 years ago or so. So then I said I'll do you better than $20. I'll take you home get you all cleaned up and my girlfriend will cook a fantastic meal for you. Then I'll bring you back & still give you $20. He asked me, won't she get mad? I said it didn't matter. I just want her to see what happens to a man when he stops drinking & fishing... Fish on my friends

[kmon]

There's an interview for a top secret defense security position and a guy is reviewing prospects.

The first guy has been married for two years. The interviewer says "To test your loyalty, you're going to have to go into the next room and kill your wife," and he hands the guy a gun. The guy exclaims, “I can't do that, I love my wife more than anything,” and he walked away.

The second guy, who has been married 10 years, getting the same order, hesitates and says, "Well, things aren't what they once were, but I can't get myself to do it."

The third guy, married 30 years, getting the order, quickly grabs the gun and bounds into the room. Two shots are fired, and then you hear a scuffle, a gasp, and a thud. The guy emerges and says, "That was rough. Some [censored] put blanks in the gun, so I had to strangle her.”

[Old Bob]

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[kmon]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the place,
Every smile was hidden by a mask on each face.

To see Christmas morning they hardly could wait,
All gathered together in groups no more than eight.

And making quite sure that every single germ was dead,
There was no scent of Christmas, only Lysol instead!

But oh my my, oh well well, Does it really even matter?
We’ve all lost our sense of smell.

Amazon brought all our boxes to town,
We got out the Clorox and wiped them all down.

Mom glued to her laptop, online shopping in a trance,
While the kids were rehearsing their next TikTok dance!

Then we all took a vote who was naughty, who was nice,
But the results were disputed because some voted twice.

With each sugar cookie, my weight, it did mount.
So, I yelled to the scale, “I demand a recount!”

Less money for spending, but oh, what the heck!
Maybe next year they’ll send us a stimulus check.

The children finally nestled snug in their beds,
As nightmares of virtual learning danced in their heads.

And mothers and fathers exhausted aplenty,
Bowed their heads and gave thanks – we survived 2020.

Then down through the chimney, with all of the loot,
Came jolly old Santa ... in a hazmat suit.

With a “ho ho ho,” he said, “I’ll see you later,
“The governor closed Santa’s workshop, so you all get toilet paper!”

Yes, he quickly appeared and then quickly he went
Santa Claus, the world’s largest super-spreader event.

Now on Republican, on Democrat, on Independent, too!
The last part of the story is for me and for you.

To a world that’s in darkness, may we all be a light,
A Covid Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

[Old Bob]

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