2020 Joke of the Day

[bpgast]

All of this seems ridiculous and would be funny if it was so true

[Rangerofthenorth]

A Looney Limerick: There once was a man named Biden, who wanted my gun I've been hidin'. He said "You're full of shit!", when I couldn't find it, so off to jail I am ridin'!

[FLshooter]

The same idiots who tell me I don’t need all that ammo are the ones who just bought all the toilet paper and disinfectant from all the local grocery stores.

[montana]

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[A.D.D. AR]

[IMG]ttps://imgur.com/gallery/UBhwUvn[/IMG]

[joedirt199]

I could tell you guys a joke about the coronavirus, but you probably won't get it.

[A.D.D. AR]

and.... this is not a joke. You can buy an "angry joe AR14 lower" from palmetto state armory... and look at a closeup of it. a "pony soldier" logo, and look at the fire control words. hahahaha!!!

[A.D.D. AR]

link didn't work?
https://palmettostatearmory.com/psa-angr...ivery.html

[joedirt199]

Saw that on ar15.net, it was pretty funny. Good to see these crazies crash and burn on tv.

[FLshooter]

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[kmon]

[kmon]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.




The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope...
Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady, TO GOD. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those b*stards at the post office.

Sincerely,

Edna

[kmon]

[kmon]

[kmon]

They said a face mask and gloves were all you need to go to the grocery. They lied. Everyone else had clothes on.

[Old Bob]

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[Lemonaid]

I saw this in the mirror one day.

[NugginFutz]

One day Joe finally made it to the doctor for a headache that had lasted 20 years! The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit !.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 44 long. 'Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.' Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Like I said, been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.' The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36'. Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'That's impossible, you couldn't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - Priceless

[NugginFutz]

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

[Old Bob]

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