2019 Joke of the Day

[kmon]

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Ole's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake.

Ole stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Cconfused, Ole went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Ole's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb arse, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July."

[kmon]

A wife sent a text to her husband: Don't forget to stop by Costco and buy vegetables on your way back from the office ... and Luann says "Hi."

Her husband texted back: Who is Luann?

Wife: Nobody. I was just making sure that you read my text.

Husband: But I'm with Luann right now, so which Luann are you talking about?

Wife: Where are you?

Husband: Near the vegetables.

Wife: Wait, I'm coming there right now.

After ten minutes, the wife texts her husband: I'm here, where are you?

Husband: I'm at the office. Now that you're at Costco, buy whatever vegetables you need.

[kmon]

[kmon]

[BCHunter]

And if you don't know who it is in your family, it is probably YOU!

[NugginFutz]

And if you don't know who it is in your family, it is probably YOU!

Ain’t that​ the truth?

[JASmith]

Puppies and 1 year-old humans define "tasty" as anything that is small enough to put in the mouth or lick!

[kmon]

[kmon]

[kmon]

Call from the wife

“Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

I was a little concerned as I answered, “No.”

She said, “How about now???”

[TX 6.5 Addict]

What do a Pimp and a Cowboy have in common?

They both know how to throw a ho down

[kmon]

[kmon]

A tourist from New York was hiking through the mountains of North Georgia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door. 'Anybody home?' he asked.
'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the door. 'Is your father there?' asked the tourist. 'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid. 'Well, is your mother here? No, she left before I got here,' said the kid.
'But,' protested the city slicker, 'are you never together as a family?'
'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door. 'This is the outhouse!

[montana]

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[BluntForceTrauma]

<GROAN!> I don't know, Montana, we may just have to rule out "dad" jokes.

[montana]

<GROAN!> I don't know, Montana, we may just have to rule out "dad" jokes.

I just had a knee replacement, so I thought it was fitting. Walkers become your best friend

[kmon]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton, Trend, or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.

Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail ! that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. who me?

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. oh no - not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."


IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS. "

[kmon]

[kmon]

[montana]

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