2019 Joke of the Day

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[terrywick4]

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[kmon]

[kmon]

I watched a dog chase its tail for 5 min and I thought, "Dogs are easily entertained.” Then I realized, I watched a dog chase its tail for 5 min.

[montana]

I watched a dog chase its tail for 5 min and I thought, "Dogs are easily entertained.? Then I realized, I watched a dog chase its tail for 5 min.

Kind of like debating on the 2nA thread

[A5BLASTER]

I watched a dog chase its tail for 5 min and I thought, "Dogs are easily entertained.” Then I realized, I watched a dog chase its tail for 5 min.

What ya talkin bout, I have had a good time drinking cold beer and watching grass grow more then once lmao.

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A worker standing in a liquor line says, "I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev." Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, "Did you get him?" "No," he replied. "The line there was even longer than the line here."

Q: What's the difference between Gorbachev and Dubcek*?

A: Nothing, but Gorbachev doesn't know it yet.

*(Alexander Dubcek led the Czech resistance to the Warsaw Pact during the Prague Spring of 1968, but was forced to resign)

Sentence from a schoolboy's weekly composition class essay: "My cat just had seven kittens. They are all communists." Sentence from the same boy's composition the following week: "My cat's seven kittens are all capitalists." Teacher reminds the boy that the previous week he had said the kittens were communists. "But now they've opened their eyes," replies the child.

Lyudmila Gurchenko in the Soviet comedy "The Carnival Night."

A Chukchi (a tribe of Eskimo-like people on Russia's northwest coast) is asked what he would do if the Soviet borders were opened. "I'd climb the highest tree," he replies. Asked why, he responds: "So I wouldn't get trampled in the stampede out!" Then he is asked what he would do if the U.S. border is opened. "I'd climb the highest tree," he says, "so I can see the first person crazy enough to come here."

A joke heard in Arkhangelsk has it that someone happened to call the KGB headquarters just after a major fire. "We cannot do anything. The KGB has just burned down!" he was told. Five minutes later, he called back and was told again the KGB had burned. When he called a third time, the telephone operator recognized his voice and asked "why do you keep calling back? I just told you the KGB has burned down." "I know," the man said. "I just like to hear it."

A train bearing Stalin, Lenin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev stops suddenly when the tracks run out. Each leader applies his own, unique solution. Lenin gathers workers and peasants from miles around and exhorts them to build more track. Stalin shoots the train crew when the train still doesn't move. Khrushchev rehabilitates the dead crew and orders the tracks behind the train ripped up and relaid in front. Brezhnev pulls down the curtains and rocks back and forth, pretending the train is moving. And Gorbachev calls a rally in front of the locomotive, where he leads a chant: "No tracks! No tracks! No tracks!"

[kmon]

[A5BLASTER]

Lmao. I think I'm kin to him lmffao.

[kmon]

[kmon]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags ...and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?

If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.

[kmon]

Lesley Stahl did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before our involvement in the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old customs.

Ms. Stahl approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Stahl straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines.”

No matter what language you speak or where you go the moral of the story is: BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A REALLY SMART WOMAN.

[kmon]

A polite Texan always tries to help the lil' lady get in the truck!

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[NightFisher]

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[kmon]

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