08-17-2019, 08:49 PM
A worker standing in a liquor line says, "I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev." Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, "Did you get him?" "No," he replied. "The line there was even longer than the line here."
Q: What's the difference between Gorbachev and Dubcek*?
A: Nothing, but Gorbachev doesn't know it yet.
*(Alexander Dubcek led the Czech resistance to the Warsaw Pact during the Prague Spring of 1968, but was forced to resign)
Sentence from a schoolboy's weekly composition class essay: "My cat just had seven kittens. They are all communists." Sentence from the same boy's composition the following week: "My cat's seven kittens are all capitalists." Teacher reminds the boy that the previous week he had said the kittens were communists. "But now they've opened their eyes," replies the child.
Lyudmila Gurchenko in the Soviet comedy "The Carnival Night."
A Chukchi (a tribe of Eskimo-like people on Russia's northwest coast) is asked what he would do if the Soviet borders were opened. "I'd climb the highest tree," he replies. Asked why, he responds: "So I wouldn't get trampled in the stampede out!" Then he is asked what he would do if the U.S. border is opened. "I'd climb the highest tree," he says, "so I can see the first person crazy enough to come here."
A joke heard in Arkhangelsk has it that someone happened to call the KGB headquarters just after a major fire. "We cannot do anything. The KGB has just burned down!" he was told. Five minutes later, he called back and was told again the KGB had burned. When he called a third time, the telephone operator recognized his voice and asked "why do you keep calling back? I just told you the KGB has burned down." "I know," the man said. "I just like to hear it."
A train bearing Stalin, Lenin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev stops suddenly when the tracks run out. Each leader applies his own, unique solution. Lenin gathers workers and peasants from miles around and exhorts them to build more track. Stalin shoots the train crew when the train still doesn't move. Khrushchev rehabilitates the dead crew and orders the tracks behind the train ripped up and relaid in front. Brezhnev pulls down the curtains and rocks back and forth, pretending the train is moving. And Gorbachev calls a rally in front of the locomotive, where he leads a chant: "No tracks! No tracks! No tracks!"
Q: What's the difference between Gorbachev and Dubcek*?
A: Nothing, but Gorbachev doesn't know it yet.
*(Alexander Dubcek led the Czech resistance to the Warsaw Pact during the Prague Spring of 1968, but was forced to resign)
Sentence from a schoolboy's weekly composition class essay: "My cat just had seven kittens. They are all communists." Sentence from the same boy's composition the following week: "My cat's seven kittens are all capitalists." Teacher reminds the boy that the previous week he had said the kittens were communists. "But now they've opened their eyes," replies the child.
Lyudmila Gurchenko in the Soviet comedy "The Carnival Night."
A Chukchi (a tribe of Eskimo-like people on Russia's northwest coast) is asked what he would do if the Soviet borders were opened. "I'd climb the highest tree," he replies. Asked why, he responds: "So I wouldn't get trampled in the stampede out!" Then he is asked what he would do if the U.S. border is opened. "I'd climb the highest tree," he says, "so I can see the first person crazy enough to come here."
A joke heard in Arkhangelsk has it that someone happened to call the KGB headquarters just after a major fire. "We cannot do anything. The KGB has just burned down!" he was told. Five minutes later, he called back and was told again the KGB had burned. When he called a third time, the telephone operator recognized his voice and asked "why do you keep calling back? I just told you the KGB has burned down." "I know," the man said. "I just like to hear it."
A train bearing Stalin, Lenin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev stops suddenly when the tracks run out. Each leader applies his own, unique solution. Lenin gathers workers and peasants from miles around and exhorts them to build more track. Stalin shoots the train crew when the train still doesn't move. Khrushchev rehabilitates the dead crew and orders the tracks behind the train ripped up and relaid in front. Brezhnev pulls down the curtains and rocks back and forth, pretending the train is moving. And Gorbachev calls a rally in front of the locomotive, where he leads a chant: "No tracks! No tracks! No tracks!"