03-12-2019, 03:46 AM
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"Well no, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
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Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
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A woman phoned her neighbour and said, “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are making love. It's freakin disgusting and and the whole neighborhood was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
The man replied, “Well the joke ’s on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.”
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A woman was wandering up and down the aisles of a very large drugstore. She still could not find the item when she encountered another customer she mistook for the pharmacist.
She asked, "Do you have cotton balls?"
The man replied in a gruff voice, "What do I look like lady, a teddy bear?"
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"Well no, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
*****************************************************************
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
******************************************************************
A woman phoned her neighbour and said, “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are making love. It's freakin disgusting and and the whole neighborhood was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
The man replied, “Well the joke ’s on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.”
********************************************************************
A woman was wandering up and down the aisles of a very large drugstore. She still could not find the item when she encountered another customer she mistook for the pharmacist.
She asked, "Do you have cotton balls?"
The man replied in a gruff voice, "What do I look like lady, a teddy bear?"