2020 Joke of the Day

[TexHill]

Number 3 goes first!

[Old Bob]

I was sittin' in my basement den watching NFL football when my wife yelled down, "Hey, have you ever got a shooting pain in your gut like someone is stabbing a voodoo doll of you with a big, sharp knife?"

I yelled back, "No, can't say that I have!"

I few seconds later I hear, "How about now?" :o

[Old Bob]

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[Old Bob]

I was passin' the day on a park bench reading newspapers with my bud Elmo. Elmo says to me, "I just read here that the brain operates on the same amount of power as a 10 Watt light bulb."

"10 Watts seems a little high up the bar for some people I've met, " I replied.

"Yeah," said Elmo, "In some cases, all they can light is a small, red Laser."

[montana]

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[TomSawyerNW]

I would have guessed #2 first, then #3, then #1.

Number 3 goes first!

[Old Bob]

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[pinetreebbs]

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[Old Bob]

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[montana]

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[kmon]

[NugginFutz]

One night, Mrs. McMillen answers the door to see her husband's best friend, Paddy O'Riley, standing on the doorstep.


"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"



Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"



Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that!! Did he at least go quickly?"



Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

[NugginFutz]

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' replied the old man.

'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, ‘And how many have you caught?'

'You're the eighth.'

[NugginFutz]

Norwegian
Blessing


May da ruts always fit da
wheels in yur pickup.
May yur ear mufs always keep out
da nort wind.
May da sun shine warm on yur lefse.
May da rain fall soft on yur lutefisk.
And until ve meet again,
May da Good Lord protect us from
any and all unnecessary Uff Das.

[NugginFutz]

Question:


Do you suppose someone told him?


... or... just watched it happen!


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[TexHill]

[Old Bob]

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[TexHill]

[Old Bob]

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[montana]

Jameson Parker