2019 Joke of the Day

[NugginFutz]

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[kmon]

[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[NugginFutz]

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[kmon]

[Old Bob]

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[okiecat]

Guys You don't know how much I enjoy reading this stuff. Even make my wife listen to some. She thinks Im warped or something. Im like some of you, getting old and frustrated at where this country is going. Thanks God bless America

[kmon]

[kmon]

[kmon]

* if my body is ever found on a jogging trail just know that i was murdered somewhere else and dumped there.

* respect your elders. They graduated from school without the internet.

* i've decided i'm not old, i'm 45 -- plus shipping and handling.

* why do i have to press "1" for english? Did america move?

* we have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

* behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

* let's stop sending money to other countries and let them hate us for free.

* in my defense i was left unsupervised.

* my decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing the road.

* some things are just better left unsaid -- and i usually realize it right after i say them.

* camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.

* i thought getting old would take longer.

* a wise man once said - - nothing.

[Sinclair]

Guys You don't know how much I enjoy reading this stuff. Even make my wife listen to some. She thinks Im warped or something. Im like some of you, getting old and frustrated at where this country is going. Thanks God bless America

Dtto to what okiecat said. God has blessed America, its just that some of us has forgotten to thank Him.

[kmon]

[kmon]

[kmon]

[kmon]

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else laughed. My parents always told me to tell the truth, so I did, but my teacher sent me to the principal’s office for it. I told the principal what happened, he laughed, but then told me not to do that again.

The next day, my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, and I told her “Because you can make it into a fried chicken.” She sent me to the principal’s office again. He laughed, but told me not to do that again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like when I am. I decided to follow what my parents taught me because they always tell me all they want for me is to become a good man, and a good man never lies.

Today, my teacher asked me what famous person I admired the most. I said “Colonel Sanders”… guess where I am now.

[NugginFutz]

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a crap?"

[NugginFutz]

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[NugginFutz]

[video=youtube_share;qybUFnY7Y8w]https://youtu.be/qybUFnY7Y8w[/video]

A 130+ step RubeGoldberg machine. Simply stated: Wow!


@LazyEngineer

[MrDraco]

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I normally am against political humor as it can start a lot of fights, but this one was pretty good.