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+--- Thread: 2019 Joke of the Day (/showthread.php?tid=18018)
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-04-2019
![[Image: full-1274-179961-ura.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/03/full-1274-179961-ura.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - TexHill - 03-04-2019
![[Image: qerBsiH.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/qerBsiH.jpg)
![[Image: hlWxrU8.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/hlWxrU8.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 03-04-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-04-2019
![[Image: full-32709-178740-51607356_2274555189271...6208_n.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/02/full-32709-178740-51607356_2274555189271419_6727864075008606208_n.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 03-05-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 03-05-2019
Ole came back to work 15 minutes late. The boss noticed and asked where he had been.
Ole: "Getting a haircut."
Boss: "On company time?"
Ole: "It grew on company time."
Boss: "Not all of it."
Ole: "I didn't get it all cut off."
2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 03-05-2019
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, OK."
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, OK."
Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions.
He says to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?"
Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."
2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 03-06-2019
Ole and Sven are bungee-jumping one day. Ole says to Sven, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it there" Ole thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Sven jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Ole notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Ole misses him. Sven falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Ole finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Sven gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd. What the hell is a piñata?
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 03-06-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 03-07-2019
A well liked cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge flower covered heart stood behind the casket during services.
As the the eulogy ended, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the deceased doctor inside, forever.
At that moment, one of the mourners started to snicker and then, unable to control himself, burst out laughing. As those around him stared, he said, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but think of my own funeral. You see, I'm a gynecologist."
At that moment, the proctologist fainted.
2019 Joke of the Day - ricsmall - 03-08-2019
^^^roflmao!!^^^
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-08-2019
Nug, good timing on that one. I see my Cardiologist Monday
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-08-2019
![[Image: full-54774-180572-unfaithful.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/03/full-54774-180572-unfaithful.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 03-08-2019
kmon Wrote:Nug, good timing on that one. I see my Cardiologist Monday
Hope you both survive the experience.
2019 Joke of the Day - 6.5 Grendel - 03-11-2019
Picked up a hitchhiker lastnight
He said thanks! But how do you know im not a serial killer though? I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical.
2019 Joke of the Day - TexHill - 03-11-2019
![[Image: VGLSy8V.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/VGLSy8V.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-12-2019
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"Well no, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
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Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
******************************************************************
A woman phoned her neighbour and said, “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are making love. It's freakin disgusting and and the whole neighborhood was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
The man replied, “Well the joke ’s on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.”
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A woman was wandering up and down the aisles of a very large drugstore. She still could not find the item when she encountered another customer she mistook for the pharmacist.
She asked, "Do you have cotton balls?"
The man replied in a gruff voice, "What do I look like lady, a teddy bear?"
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 03-12-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-13-2019
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 97!"
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 03-13-2019
This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook.