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+--- Thread: 2019 Joke of the Day (/showthread.php?tid=18018)
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 12-15-2019
'Twas the night before Christmas
He lived all alone
In a one bedroom house
Made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
With presents to give and
To see just who in this house did live.
I looked all about
A strange sight I did see
No tinsel
No presents
Not even a tree.
No stocking by mantel
Just boots filled with sand
On the wall hung pictures
Of far distant lands.
With medals and badges
Awards of all kinds
A sober thought
Came through my mind.
For this house was different
It was dark and dreary
I found the home of a soldier
Once I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping
Silent, alone
Curled up on the floor
In this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle
The room in such disorder
Not how I pictured
A United States Soldier.
Was this the hero
Of whom I'd just read
Curled up on a poncho
The floor for a bed?
I realized the families
That I saw this night
Owed their lives to these soldiers
Who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world
The children would play
And grown ups would celebrate
A bright Christmas Day.
They all enjoyed freedom
Each month of the year
Because of the soldiers
Like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder
How many lay alone
On a cold Christmas Eve
In a land far from home.
The very thought
Brought a tear to my eye
I dropped to my knees
And started to cry.
The soldier awakened
And I heard a rough voice
"Santa don't cry
This life is my choice
I fight for freedom
I don't ask for more
My life my God
My country my corps."
The soldier rolled over
And drifted to sleep
I couldn't control
I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours
So silent and still
And we both shivered
From the cold nights chill.
I Didn't want to leave
On that cold dark night
This guardian of honor
So willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over
With a voice soft and pure
Whispered "carry on Santa,
It's Christmas Day all is secure."
One look at my watch
And I knew he was right
"Merry Christmas my friend,
And to all a good night."
2019 Joke of the Day - okiecat - 12-15-2019
Well done my friend
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 12-15-2019
Great one Montana, and that my friends in the Horde is no Joke
2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 12-17-2019
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.
"We're sorry, Mr. O?Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O?Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. O?Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O? Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. O?Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow
2019 Joke of the Day - A5BLASTER - 12-18-2019
NugginFutz Wrote:The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.
"We're sorry, Mr. O?Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O?Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. O?Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O? Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. O?Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow
In louisiana it would be crabs lol and we would run her 3 times a day lol.
2019 Joke of the Day - TomSawyerNW - 12-18-2019
NugginFutz Wrote:The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.
"We're sorry, Mr. O?Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O?Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. O?Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O? Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. O?Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow
These are all good but this one I just loved!! LMAO!!!
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 12-21-2019
![[Image: full-19470-212076-theyre_not_wrong_1.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-19470-212076-theyre_not_wrong_1.jpg)
![[Image: full-16668-212066-image.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-16668-212066-image.jpg)
![[Image: full-16668-211879-image.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-16668-211879-image.jpg)
![[Image: full-19470-212006-1_33.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-19470-212006-1_33.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - FLshooter - 12-21-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - Old Bob - 12-22-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 12-22-2019
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 12-23-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 12-23-2019
![[Image: full-16668-212336-image.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-16668-212336-image.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - FLshooter - 12-28-2019
A Cowboy is captured by savage Indians
The chief says to him ?white man have three days to live do you have any last requests??
The cowboy replies ?I want to talk to my horse?
They bring the horse and he whispers into its ear. Two hours later the horse comes back with a naked blonde.
The next day the chief says to the cowboy ?White man have two days to live any requests??
The cowboy replies ?yes I want to talk to my horse? he wants again whispers in the horse?s ear. Two hours later the horse comes back with a naked redhead
Following day the chief says to the cowboy ?White man have one day left to live a request??
Cowboy replies ?yes I want to talk to my horse?
This time he grabs the horse by his mane and yells into his ear POSSE! P O S S E!
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 12-31-2019
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