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+--- Thread: 2019 Joke of the Day (/showthread.php?tid=18018)
2019 Joke of the Day - JASmith - 11-18-2019
Same for the Briggs&Stratton picture — for those of us who live through the power cutoffs.
Fortunately for us, the closest affected were about a mile away.
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 11-18-2019
So, I am in a bar and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me. I say, "Cool accents! Are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them yells, "It's Wales, you idiot!" So, I said, "OK...are you two whales from Scotland?" I don't remember very much after that.
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-18-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - StoneHendge - 11-20-2019
[video=youtube_share;BMibRjT9KqQ]https://youtu.be/BMibRjT9KqQ[/video]
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-23-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-23-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 11-23-2019
StoneHendge Wrote:[video=youtube_share;BMibRjT9KqQ]https://youtu.be/BMibRjT9KqQ[/video]I have a place which is perfect for their relocation...
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 11-24-2019
![[Image: full-54774-209156-emotionalsupportdog.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/11/full-54774-209156-emotionalsupportdog.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-25-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-27-2019
Whats the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
A brunette goes to the doctor and says, ?It hurts everywhere I touch?. The doctor says ?Everywhere? Show me what you mean.? She touches her elbow and screams ?Ouch!?. Then touches her knee and yells out ?It hurts!?. She touches her head and in pain cries out ?Ouch it hurts! It hurts everywhere!?. The doctor asks, ?Were you ever a blonde?? ?Yes, I was.? she replies. ?Why do you ask?? The doctor answers, ?Because your finger is broken!?
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do men like blonde jokes?
Because they can understand them.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
Because it said ?concentrate?.
How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde?s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios?
Donut seeds.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn?t dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals. That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, ?I?m not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me.? He thought for a moment and asked, ?What is the capital of Massachusetts?? She quickly replied, ?M?!
2019 Joke of the Day - Old Bob - 11-27-2019
There was an old lady in a department store elevator. The doors opened & two rich ladies got on. One rich woman says to the other, "Smell this... Christian Dior, $50 an once!"
The other rich woman says, "Smell this... Channel #5, $60 an once.
The old lady farts & says, "Smell that? Brussel sprouts, $2.98 a pound!"
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-28-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - JASmith - 11-28-2019
montana Wrote:[ATTACH=CONFIG]15004[/ATTACH]Thanks for the sentiment along with prayers of gratitude for the material and spiritual blessings we enjoy.
2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 11-29-2019
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2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 11-29-2019
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of only one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
"So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
"I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Oh, just a couple minutes ago..."
2019 Joke of the Day - montana - 11-29-2019
Those were great Nuggin
I'm still laughing!
2019 Joke of the Day - NugginFutz - 11-30-2019
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door..
Therefore, he took out his business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
2019 Joke of the Day - Old Bob - 12-02-2019
Talking Dog For Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Colorado when he sees a sign in the front yard of a broken down shanty style house that reads, 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He knocks on the door and when the owner appears he asks about the talking dog. The owner says the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Chocolate Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
Initially the man is shocked but after he recovers a bit he asks the dog, "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was still a pup but never said anything. When I got older I decided I wanted to help the government, so I went to the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting around the world, sitting in with spies and world leaders. Because I was just a dog, no one figured I would be a spy."
"I was one of their most valuable spies for about eight years, but the jetting around the world was tiring me out as I got older. I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security. Wandering near suspicious characters and listening in, I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a bunch of medals."
"After that I got married and had a mess of puppies. Now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in the shanty and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten bucks," the old gent says.
"Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
"Because he's a liar... he's never been out of the yard!"
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 12-08-2019
![[Image: full-54774-210544-kidsancientruins.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-54774-210544-kidsancientruins.jpg)
2019 Joke of the Day - kmon - 12-09-2019
![[Image: full-19470-210723-meme6_5bfd668773ce8__700.jpg]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2019/12/full-19470-210723-meme6_5bfd668773ce8__700.jpg)